In My Daughter's Eyes

I love to write about my daughter. She's at that age where she says and does the funniest things. She's seven now. Her personality is amazingly just like her mother's and well even some of the quirks seem to be the same as well. (much to my dismay, but then my mother always said "paybacks were coming")

She is a beautiful little girl, and I am so incredibly blessed. I thank God daily for the richness and love she has brought into my life. But it wasn't always that way. Sure, I've always loved her since day 1, but recognizing it was an entirely different story.

Several years ago, I believe right before she was about to turn five, there was a moment in time, when I wasn't thanking anyone for her or my son or anyone else or anything else. It was a fleeting moment, but trust me, I felt as if nothing was right. However, in that moment, when life seemed so full of despair and stress, I received a reminder that would last indefinitley that "life goes on" and there's always more. (bad and good).

On a rather hectic day, with kids going nuts in the back seat, fighting with each other, I had made a wrong turn, low on gas, check engine light has come on for some mystery reason, I still have to stop at the grocery store and there was something else I was supposed to do while I was out and I cannot remember it and right about that very moment I feel as if i'm about to completely lose it. In fact, I think I was about to lose it. (possibly DID lose it - but don't worry, I got it back)

I decided to turn the radio up (my musical escape). My kids are used to this, they know it means Mommy's stressed and they accept it and are typically good as gold, uh nope not that day. They were arguing about something, and throwing a straw back and forth. I cannot count the number of times I asked them to stop, so I finally tried desperately to ignore them. So I'm driving along and I'm looking for the cheapeast gas prices, while simultansousely trying to remember what I had to do for my son's school project due the next day, "Nope not that station, too high", "nope not that one, way too many cars getting gas - ooh but their prices are so good". And as I pass the gas station, thinking that perhaps I probably should have stopped there, I realize that "crud I need to run by the post office and the bank", which only adds to my growing stress. Know why? Because the post office and bank were back the other direction!

Suddenly I hear my little girl from the back seat. "Mom I need to go to the bathroom." Did I happen to mention that I had just PASSED the gas station? Because now I am having visions of a wet back seat (I have leather seats - she cannot hold her urine very well, and she still can't and now she's seven), and although she's in a booster seat, UGH! So amongst frustration for her not telling me sooner (as if it was really her fault), I'm now just sick at the the thought of having to clean it all up, or looking for somewhere to turn around to get back fast before she does have an accident. Ok, that's it. I snapped back at her, and I asked her why she didn't go before we left the house. (NOW she has been diagnosed with a "bladder disorder" however at that point we were unaware of it (can you see where this is going!))

She responds with something, I hear her tiny voice, softly say something and I get frustrated because I can't hear her so I grudgingly turn the radio off completely and ask her "What?!?" which probably came out a bit too gruff, and I hear her say in her tiny soft voice, "It's ok mom, I'll try to hold it." I knew she couldn't, but she was trying to for me!

That was it. I was so close to tears, which is something I try hard not to do in front of the kids. In order for the kids not to hear, and to hopefully free my mind for a few moments, I turned the radio back up hoping against hope that it would be a song I could get lost in for just 2 minutes.

And what do I hear, "More Country Coming Up Next, a new one from Martina McBride". Now anyone who knows me, knows I absolutely LOVE Martina. She's in the top 3 (With Reba and LeAnn Rimes). I'm thinking cool, maybe they'll play something upbeat with a nice beat and quick tempo, 70% of her songs are like that. (you know I was looking for the song "Happy Girl" to come belting out or perhaps maybe "This One's For The Girls" - at that point her newest single) But what happened next I was a bit unprepared for.

This very slow meolodic song began, almost lullabye music. It was beautiful, but certainly not what I was hoping for when on the verge of a breakdown, I could almost feel the tears coming. Slow and stressed don't mix well for me. I didn't have much time to think about it though, because as soon as the words began, there was no more dry eyes for several minutes even aftewards.

In my daughter's eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be
In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light and the
world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me
gives me strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand
around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about

It's hangin' on when your heart
has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes I can see the future
A reflection of who I am and what will be
Though she'll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you see how happy
she made me
For I'll be there
In my daughter's eyes

The most beautiful part of all? When the song was finished, not only had I shed more tears than I had in a long time, but I had a total feeling of peace. That song was meant for me. It was a turning point in my relationship with my children. On a day when I needed it the most, at a time that I had lost most of my mind, Martina bellows out....

I realize what life is all about
It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my daughter's eyes

And that my dear readers, is the truth. She reminds me everyday of her love for me, and that there is just always more. (of course she's lucky she does because somedays I'd like to lock her in her room until she's 30!)

Hope you enjoyed the story. Be gentle. This happened several years ago, and my life has changed so much since then. "I've seen the light, and it's in my daughter's eyes" (and what beautiful eyes they truly are!)